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Spring Breaking in Miami Beach

I do not know what it is about corporate retreats!  Maybe it is the fact that there is free booze.  Maybe it has something to do with the fact that there is free time away from the wife and children.  I am probably a little too young to understand.

Because I am not married and had a very long and exciting bachelorhood, I do not know why every pudgy, middle-aged, pale accountant thinks that nights away from home are a perfect opportunity to relive spring break.  Given my financial abilities to compare current periods with prior periods, I am fairly certain that their spring breaks did not resemble the situation they are trying to create.

In this particular example, after a few too many drinks at the company dinner, a motley crew of 12 ten-key rocking accountants staggered down the road to a swanky South Beach club.  Since I was the youngest and soberest, I was the first to notice the look on the bouncer's face that said, "There is no way you old guys are coming in here!".  After listening to one of the executives tell him that we wanted in, I saw that he closed the velvet rope.

Because I been in this situation socially, I know that there are only three things that grant you admission to a place like this:

1. Being a hot chick
2. Knowing the bouncer/owner
3. Having some paper to throw around

I walked up to the bouncer and explained that these were some harmless old guys that needed to cross this item off of their bucket lists.  They were going to go in for 20 minutes, realize they are old, and leave.  Before he could tell me no, I gave him $100 dollars and he opened the velvet rope.  Win! Win!

Promotional Tip:  Knowing when to negotiate and framing a situation where both parties benefit is key to your success professionally.  Instead of thinking how to get a bigger slice of the pie than the other party, think of how you can work together to increase the size of the pie.  There are many techniques to achieve this goal and many are outlined in Guerrilla Negotiating. 

While we were inside I gained two points of market data that I would like to share with you.  The first is that the price of a drink at these clubs begin at $18 and move up from there.  The ironic fact is that most non-alcoholics can purchase enough alcohol to kill themselves for that price.

The second data point is that there are a significant number of Russian immigrants that live in the South Beach area who work at night as prostitutes.  The going rate for one of them is $500 which might as well have been infinite because I never pay!

Missed Opportunity

I have a great view of the Ocean from my room and had every intention of swimming in the morning since I realized that I am the world's worst swimmer.

Florida must be farther east than Connecticut because when the alarm sounded at 5:00am it was still very dark.  I had an image of Jaws eating me alive during his morning feeding and rolled over and went to bed.  When I am in Connecticut, I have to think of other excuses not to train in the morning.

I will be regretting it this Sunday as I am struggling to keep my head above water.  Better luck tomorrow!

South Beach Diet

I am traveling again!  Today I am on a Jet Blue flight into Fort Lauderdale where a driver will be waiting for me to whisk me away to Miami. Before I was in the miles programs, Jet Blue was my favorite airline due to the televisions they have in their seatbacks.  What a great idea!

I will have to remember to thank the person that planned this conference.  Our company has an annual conference and this year it is in Miami, Florida.  These types of boondoggles are one of the perks of working for a large successful company.  This year we were in a 5 Star hotel.

Since the hotel is right on the ocean, I can practice my dreadful swimming

The agenda for these events go something like this:

1. Welcome reception with plenty of booze
2. Early morning breakfast with everything you could ever want
3. Two hours of presentations
4. Snack
5. Two hours of presentations
6. Lunch
7. Two hours of presentations
8. Snack
9. Two hours of presentations
10. Dinner with drinks

Considering the snacks are mostly cookies, sweet breads, and desserts, I do not think I will have any trouble carb-loading.  My goal is to still fit into my bathing suit by the end of this trip.

The triple crown of desserts!

Final Swim

When I returned from the states I had a chance to spend some time with Anne.  It is good to be home!

I am only going to be home for two days until I head to Miami, Florida for a large conference so we have to make the most of it.

During the weekend, our plans were to attend a wedding in Boston and visit her parents on the return trip.  Normally, visiting your girlfriend’s parents rates up there with a pubic hair waxing (I read about it), but Anne’s parents are the exception.  First of all, they are hilarious and very welcoming.  I think they are starting to treat me as one of their own because I am receiving a good deal of unsolicited parental advice.

I was especially excited to go because of their proximity to a lake where I could test my open water swimming.  My first triathlon is only one week away and I have not swam in the “open water” for years.  With a 0.9 mile swim ahead of me, I needed some practice.

When I arrived at their home, I made my intentions of swimming known.  Anne and her mom decided it would be a good idea if they accompanied me in kayaks.  Whether it was because Anne’s mom wanted to be on the water or Anne thought I may drown, the three of us headed for the water.

I gave Anne my GPS watch so she could keep track of how far I was traveling and my time so I would know what to expect.  I strapped on my Speedo Vanquisher 2.0 Swim Goggles, jumped in the water, and began the swim. 

If you have not swum in a while, let me remind you of the experience.  Your face is completely under water except when you need breathe so navigation is a bit tricky.  Thanks to all my work in the pool, I had my breathing down pat, but missed the navigational lines on the bottom.  After I was in more than 10 feet of depth, I could not see a thing except my own arms flapping.  When I looked up to see where 

I was going, I realized that my rudder is broken and I have a case of the “lefts”.

After what seemed like eternity, I noticed I was severely out of breath and needed to stop.  I popped up, looked at Anne, and asked “How far was that?”.

“0.12 miles” Anne responded.

I am in serious trouble!  I know that hope is not a strategy, but I hope I turn into a fish in the next week.

Mileage Heartbreak

When I think of a mileage heartbreak, I think of struggling up Heartbreak Hill twenty miles into the Boston Marathon.  Here is another heartbreak...

While sitting at the airport, I had some time on my hands so I decided to determine my strategy for reaching Delta’s Gold Medallion status.  Going into this trip, I was just over 21,000 miles away from the required 50,000 year to date miles.  On the way to China, I flew about 8500 miles and with the Silver Medallion millage bonus it brought the total just about 11,000 miles.

At this moment I became really excited because I closed over half the gap on the way here.  Disappointment shortly followed. Unfortunately, my return flight is more efficient and adds only 9800 miles. 

I thought to myself, “No big deal.”  I have a trip in August to Detroit that will close the remaining 1700 mile gap.  Disappointment transformed into heartbreak when I confirmed that the Detroit flight will only provide 1300 miles.  I am 400 miles short.

Now I am firm believer in these mileage programs because I am actually thinking of taking a trip just to put me over the top.  If it does not occur on its own, then I will have make it happen.  The ironic thing is that I have flown for 25 hours in the past 96 hours (26%) and all I can think about is taking another flight.  Tomacco!  

Logistical Challenge

What is the best way to get from Beijing, China to Hartford, CT?  I can tell you that it is not via Seattle and then Minneapolis from experience.   

The key to your travel plan is to lower your connections and make your long flight as long as possible.  That way you minimize your chance at either a missed connection or delay and maximize your opportunity to sleep.  One 6 hour cycle is worth more to the body than two three hour cycles.  Of course as the Vice President of Finance, I subjected myself to such torture to save a few dollars.

I am trying to add enough pressure to turn this carbon into a diamond

Travel Tip: When traveling from to your destinations, try hard to minimize your connections and fly non-stop.  This trick lowers travel time, the opportunity for delays, and the chances that your REM cycle will be interrupted.

Another problem with so many segments is the equipment or aircraft that you use.  Instead of the Boeing 777 that has begun to spoil me, I was given the opportunity to step into my forefather’s shoes and fly a 767 and 757.  The real advantage to the 777 is that it has personal entertainment screens in the back of the chair.  With a selection of over 50 movies, you can find a way to utilize 3 to 6 hours enjoyably.  When combined with the departure meal, mid-flight snack, and pre-arrival meals, movies and dining can occupy up to 8 hours of travel time.  I did not have that luxury with the 767 to Seattle. 

Travel Tip: Like in the bedroom, equipment matters!  Be aware of the aircraft available for your flight to help make your decision.  Newer planes have more entertainment, amenities, and baggage storage.